Do you ever feel trapped by the expectations others have for you? Do you wonder what life might be like if you lived it on your own terms? This kind of introspection, often sparked by feelings of unfulfillment, has prompted many to pursue a more authentic life. The shift often begins with a powerful question: “How Can I?”
These three words, deceptively simple, can be the key to breaking free from self-doubt and opening doors you never thought possible. In this post, we’ll explore how asking “How Can I” can transform your life, give you practical tools to turn your dreams into reality, and inspire you to start today. We will now explore it based on the TEDX Speech of Johanna Feick.
1. Breaking the Chains of Self-Doubt
We’ve all faced moments where we feel held back by self-doubt. Whether it’s because of societal norms, family expectations, or past experiences, we often convince ourselves of our limitations before we even try. According to Bronnie Ware’s renowned book “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying,” one of the most common regrets is “not having the courage to live a life true to oneself.”
Example: Growing up in a small town in Germany, I was seen as an outsider with dreams that others found laughable. When I shared my ambitions to travel the world, I was told, “People like us can’t do things like that.” Those words stayed with me, becoming my own mantra. For years, I used “I can’t” as an excuse. But then I asked, “How can I?” That simple shift led me to make real changes in my life.
2. The Moment of Decision: From “I Can’t” to “How Can I?”
When we tell ourselves, “I can’t,” we unconsciously set up barriers that prevent us from exploring what’s truly possible. By choosing to ask, “How can I?” you create an opportunity to examine possibilities rather than barriers. You turn a dead end into a detour.
Example: At 19, I knew what was expected of me—study, find a stable job, get married. But deep down, I craved adventure and self-discovery. In a quiet forest surrounded by spring blossoms, I had an epiphany. Instead of thinking about all the reasons I couldn’t pursue my dreams, I started to ask myself, “How can I travel?” That thought became the foundation of my journey. I researched visas, costs, and travel options. Just two months later, I was on a flight to South Korea with limited resources, but armed with the courage to try.
3. The “How Can I” Mindset in Action
Once you start asking “How can I,” the answers often reveal themselves step-by-step. Taking action turns dreams into concrete realities, one decision at a time. Even if you’re uncertain about your abilities, taking those first steps can create the momentum needed to achieve your goals.
Example: In South Korea, I faced countless challenges—language barriers, financial limitations, and cultural differences. But each step forward taught me something invaluable. I landed jobs, learned new skills, and embraced the unknown. When I returned home, I felt a surge of motivation that pushed me to start my own company, proving that “How can I” isn’t just a mindset; it’s a way of life.
4. Understanding Your “Why” – The Foundation of “How Can I”
Asking “How can I” is powerful, but knowing why you want something is just as essential. Your “why” is what keeps you going when things get tough. Renowned motivational speaker Simon Sinek’s TED Talk, “Start With Why,” emphasizes the importance of understanding the root of our desires.
Exercise: Reflect on why you want a particular outcome. If your goal is wealth, ask why. Is it to feel secure, or is it to experience freedom? Sometimes, digging deep can reveal that what you truly seek is different from your initial goal, helping you redirect your efforts toward genuine fulfillment.
5. Overcoming Fear: The Barrier Between “I Can’t” and “How Can I”
Fear is a natural reaction when venturing into the unknown. But remember, every dream worth pursuing lies on the other side of your comfort zone. By asking, “How can I?” you’re not ignoring the risks—you’re simply acknowledging them as part of the journey.
Example: Before starting my company, I didn’t have any entrepreneurial background. I feared failure, judgment, and disappointing those around me. But I took it step-by-step, researching everything from forming a business entity to developing a product. This process transformed fear into manageable tasks, and I tackled each one until I reached my goal.
6. Turning “How Can I” into a Practical Action Plan
When you’re ready to pursue your dreams, a plan is crucial. Here’s a breakdown to help you transform “How can I” from a question into an actionable roadmap:
- Define Your Goal: Decide on a specific, meaningful goal.
- Break It Down: Identify the milestones that lead to your goal.
- Daily Actions: Commit to small daily actions that move you closer to each milestone.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Recognize and appreciate each step forward to maintain motivation.
Example: Running a marathon may seem daunting. But if you break it down, starting with basic fitness checks, a training schedule, and learning about nutrition, it becomes achievable. Each day’s effort—stretching, a short run, or eating a balanced meal—builds on the last, turning the goal into reality.
7. The Power of Action Over Mindset Alone
Many believe they need to “think positive” to change their lives. While mindset is essential, action is what truly drives transformation.
Example: When I boarded that flight to South Korea, I didn’t have a perfect mindset or absolute confidence. I simply decided to act. That leap of faith opened doors, showed me my resilience, and paved the way for future successes. Action doesn’t just change your circumstances; it changes you.
8. Living a Life Free from Regret
Imagine looking back on your life and feeling fulfilled, knowing that you took charge of your path. Regret often comes from missed opportunities rather than failed attempts. So, let your courage guide you forward.
Example: Each step I took—moving to a new country, starting a company—was terrifying. But each time, I reminded myself of the courage it took and the growth it brought. I have no regrets about the risks taken, only gratitude for the life those decisions have led me to build.
9. Start Today: Turn “How Can I” Into Reality
The journey to a more fulfilling life starts with a single question: “How can I?” Begin with a small, meaningful step. It could be researching, reaching out for support, or simply planning your next move. Embrace each action as an opportunity to learn, grow, and shape your life.
Final Thought: “How can I” is more than a question; it’s an invitation to discover what’s possible. It’s about stepping outside of comfort zones, breaking down limitations, and proving to yourself that your dreams are within reach. Whether it’s a career change, personal growth, or a lifelong dream, asking “How can I” empowers you to design a life that’s authentically yours.
Notable Quotes
Here are 21 notable quotes from the transcription:
- “I wish I had the courage to live life true to myself and not according to the expectations and wishes of others.”
- “Not living life true to oneself is one of the top regrets of the elderly.”
- “We live up to our own self-made prophecy.”
- “Their prophecy became my own until I decided to change.”
- “I want to travel the world, learn about life and people and myself.”
- “I don’t want to be confined by what other people want my life to look like.”
- “I start entertaining a single thought: how can I, and I will.”
- “I gave myself the chance to live life true to myself.”
- “Finding out how you can is quite the exciting journey, and it’s not an easy one, but it is so worth it.”
- “We need to start with why; we need to ask ourselves why again and again.”
- “If we don’t ask ourselves how we can, we can tell ourselves that everything we want in life is just a fairy tale belief.”
- “The fear gap of asking ourselves how is as big as the fear of taking action itself.”
- “Some decisions, or even most decisions, are going to be made for you and not by you.”
- “Growth involves growing pains, but only if we take the step to ask ourselves how we can.”
- “The things we desire, the change that we seek, are always on the other side of our comfort zone.”
- “Action equals motivation, and action is active change.”
- “I decided to take action against my own doubts and the doubts of everyone around me.”
- “The only way for it to turn into something real is by making this plan, setting milestones, and creating daily action items.”
- “As soon as you think it is impossible, you need to go through this process because that’s how you make it possible.”
- “If you take a step ahead, show courage, and go against your fears, you’re not going to regret the courage you’ve shown.”
- “Don’t be your own prison; don’t tell yourself that you can’t and hold yourself back.”